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A Love Letter to My New Couch

 Dear New Couch, 

I remember the first day I met you. I was impressed by your clean lines and soft, yet supportive touch. I knew right away I liked you, but something still made me scared. I remember pacing in front of you. Walking away to another IKEA display room, then being pulled back to you, as if magnetically attracted. You seemed too good to be true, and I didn't feel like I had the energy inside of me to survive another disappointment.

See, I thought I had what I felt between us before. But it only led to soul-crushing regret when I was forced to take it back with the help of a last minute mover from the internet, who ended up being the size of a malnourished child and the owner of the world's smallest truck. By the time I got that couch back to the store, it was bursting out of its tattered plastic and discolored cardboard packaging. I had to repeat over and over to the Costco cashier that I had not taken the couch out of the packaging, despite unlimited evidence to the contrary, while crying until they finally gave me my money back.

Nevermind the past. I was scared, but something about me told you to take a leap of faith. And after three and a half hours sitting on you in that IKEA display room, I knew I was ready to take that leap. This time, I sprang for movers. Because I felt like you were worth it. And somehow you made me feel like I was worth it. 

Putting you together was not easy, especially because your manual had no words and looked like it was drawn by a kindergartener tripping on mescaline. But I took my time, and after six hours and eighteen minutes, you were complete. And the first time I nestled into your chaise lounge, I felt complete. 

When I think back, every moment that I spent on the couch I had before you feels like a waste of my life. I'm not even sure what made me come home at night before I had you. Or why I did anything. 

I never imagined my life could be as rich and full as it has been since you came into it. Or that I could feel so comfortable and safe. I'll never be able to express the depths of my affection for you. Please know you hold a special place in my heart and that, in the event of my death, you are the beneficiary of my accumulated life savings.

Forever Yours,


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